
Lilacs

I’ll hold your hand
when your family’s not here,
to comfort your death during
this quarantine my dear.
I know you don’t understand
what this lock-down has done,
and it pains me to know
you aren’t the only one.
But one visitor a day
is all that’s allowed,
and sadly you’ll get none
for the fear that surrounds.
So lay down your head
and close those tired eyes,
I’ll stay here with you
until your final goodbye.
My heart
and head were
at a war that
was anything
but civil…
Just a senseless
moral battlefield
with me
wandering lost
in the middle.
I just finished a book that literally felt like my own personal memoir…
I have read thousands of books… thousands… and I have never ever read a book where the characters, plot lines, and relationships were so unmistakably similar to my own life and relationships. It’s even more mind blowing that a simple novel could have that much impact on me believing that I have indeed made the best decision in my life.
After reading this book (and heavily reflecting on my life this last year) I can say this…
Sometimes a person’s judgement’s can be severely clouded by moments of “what ifs” and “maybes”. Sometimes you can share a beautiful moment with someone and wonder if there could be something more.
And sometimes it is OKAY to wonder if you chose the right path in your love life.
But then you have to step back, get out of that moment, look at the big picture, and see everything that you could lose just by walking away with someone new.
Reflection complete.
Patchouli,
sandalwood,
musk and
cigarette smoke.
Seemingly
simple scents…
That transport me
right back to you.
I want to
put it on paper
and write it
all out,
Because nothing
sounds right
when it comes
from my mouth.
Let the undertow
take me,
sweeping away
my sins…
Let the waves
crash around me,
smothering from
within…
Let water fill
my lungs,
when I come
up for air…
Let me float
to the shore,
my body cold
and bare.
I want it back…
But I can’t ask
for it back.
So I’ll buy
a replacement…
And I’ll hope
and pray it feels
the same way
it felt when
I was with you.
My secrets
made me feel temporarily invincible.
My lies
made me feel permanently suffocated.
My honesty
made me feel breathtakingly free.
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