Existential

Sometimes I feel like I’m just not supposed to be here.

I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely sure if my idea of ‘here’ means this lifetime, world, or body… but at times I just feel so disconnected from my own reality. I can’t seem to figure out exactly who I am or where I want to be, but somehow know that my life is screaming mediocracy.

Part of me believes that I could be living some exceptional life if I was anywhere else. Like if I had just played my cards right… if I had followed my dreams… maybe I could have been extraordinary. It’s like I’ve personally somehow robbed myself of having a more desirable, purposeful identity. I mean don’t get me wrong… I’m grateful for everything I have in my life… but the part of me having an existential crisis right now is also pissed that it all feels so meaningless. I sit here alive and thriving, yet still considering myself a pile of confused nothingness. Meh.

So… yeah… that about wraps up my rant about my existence possibly being a mistake. Thanks for taking the time to read my dissociative thoughts. 🖤

-Hal

Where To Begin…

My emotions are erratic, 
and hard to understand... 
And my head overflows 
with ideas and unfulfilled plans. 

My perceptions are complicated 
and haphazardly skewed... 
With a reality warped 
and questionably construed... 

My memories are my past 
but somehow still in my present... 
And honestly in the morning 
I'm just fucking unpleasant. 

My mentality is borderline 
of being clinically insane... 
But truthfully my flaws 
make me never want to change.