Right now…
I want to be sitting there with you again…
On the patio with our white rockers.
Watching the constellations travel above us.
Under the most pristine night sky.
Completely unmarred by light pollution.
I want to be gazing there with you again…
The moon sitting high off the horizon.
Spread out like a vast canvas.
Painted midnight blue.
Perfectly studded with stars.
I want to be chatting there with you again…
Waves crashing into the shore.
Loud and abrupt like thunder.
Soft beams from the lighthouses spinning.
Dancing along the eastern coast.
Right now…
All I want is to be in Sunset Beach again.
With you.
Month: February 2020
Abstaining
I’ve been texting you for an hour,
But nothing has been sent.
Just writing.
Just erasing.
Just crying.
I want to know that you’re okay,
But I need to refrain myself.
From asking.
From intruding.
From speaking.
I fucking miss you so much,
But I’m trying to be strong.
Be unwavering.
Be smart.
Be tough.
I want you back in my life so damn badly,
But we need to end this cycle.
For you.
For me.
For us.
Radiance
You were beautiful... The way your hair was whipped softy by the wind. The way your face was highlighted by the sun. The way your body was silhouetted by the ocean. You were free. You were glowing. You were radiant.
Facade
My smile hides my hurting heart. My laugh masks the fact I'm falling apart. Look in my eyes and maybe you'll see, The facade I'm showing… really isn’t me.
This Week…
Tonight doesn’t feel like a poetry kind of night…
It feels like a thinking/venting night and fuck… have I been thinking and wanting to vent it out. This week… lord has it been a week. Honestly… it’s been a beautiful disaster of a seven day stretch and I feel as if I’ve somehow done a year’s worth of learning/growing.
First, I lost my best friend (and that basically shattered me). Second, my biggest/worst fucking secret in the world, which I held precariously for years, came to light (and that turned my shatters into dust). Third, the secret ended up not being a secret like I thought (and then complete confusion consumed my said dust particles). Fourth… I learned not to tell my secrets to anyone besides my fucking cats (who don’t know more than ten words of fucking English anyways).
So I’ll break it down into a cute little list of things I learned and discovered this week:
- Sometimes I have to be strong for just myself (not others).
- What is meant to be is what is meant to be (good or not).
- I cannot change the past (no matter how hard I think I can).
- Time machines are not a fucking real thing (thanks Google for the unrealistic blueprints).
- Secrets always come out (no matter what you do to hide the trails).
- Don’t drink alcohol and tell those secrets (then those secrets are then just general information).
- Don’t get a low blood sugar at work from skipping meals (you will get sick at work, look really dumb, and have eight co-worker nurses stabbing you with needles).
- I really really really miss my best friend (A LOT).
- My cats are the most adorable things on the planet (besides otters… I really love otters).
- I’m going to grow up and be a recluse cat lady (95% likely).
All in all, it’s been a depressing yet gratifying week. Although, I would have appreciated all these events to be in separate weeks… but maybe next time.
Cheers!!!
P.S. Thank you everyone for keeping me going this week with all the positive comments and love. It means more than you can imagine. ❤ Hal
Awakening
I was out on the dock Of the lake one dark night. I thought I was alone But you just weren't in my sight. With your hand around my neck You swiftly struck out my light. Then you tied the rope To the cinder block so tight. And I sank. And I drowned. And I lost all hope... But then the rope... It fucking broke. I fought to the surface Pain with every stroke. Leaving behind all the hopelessness That you had evoked. I reached the cool air Now gasping as I choked. I knew I had made it From you and your rope.
Gone
I'm losing control of everything around me, and only I am to blame. All I've ever known is changing, and I just want it to stay the same. I'm now slipping through the cracks, of a floor I thought was so strong. I'm holding on to everything around me, knowing it'll be gone before too long.
Bonded
I should have killed that conversation, while there was still sense in my mind. I should have known we'd become bonded, And so heartbreakingly intertwined.
Wrong Way
So selfish were my footsteps. So foolish they now seem. I wish I'd taken another path. Far away from this bad dream.
Prescribe
Give me a diagnosis Of why I'm so hollow. Please... Give me the instructions I promise I'll follow.
Anonymously Hal 
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