Month: October 2022

Life

Some nights I like to have deep, thought provoking conversations with myself. I tend to do this while in the shower until the water runs cold (this gives me approximately twenty minutes to figure my shit out).
So anyways, tonight I was thinking, “What is the point? What in the fuck is the point of life?”. Because with all do respect, unless we do something completely outstanding, does anything really matter?

I’m assuming that if I died tomorrow, I would be missed for maybe a year and then remembered until those in this lifetime are also gone. Harsh? Yes… but that’s honestly the truth. And that’s the truth for most of us.
Say you don’t have children, your belongings are disposed of or sold off when you die. Everything you worked your whole life for is auctioned off to some weirdo in Kentucky or something. Those knick-knacks and trinkets you worked so hard to collect… either garbage or the newest addition to Good-Will.
And unless you do something exceptional in life, you most likely won’t pass anything viable on to the next generation. I’ll tell you what… those dreams you had of being featured in a middle-school history book definitely won’t be fucking happening. The gold-plated statues and plaques carrying on your accomplishments will just frankly never exist.

I won’t have children, I won’t be featured in any history books, and most likely won’t pass anything viable on to the next generation. So why is life so stressful?

Tonight I think I’ve decided with myself that the end-goal of life is basically pointless. We’re all going out one way or another and eventually the Earth will just shit out and die too. However, I do believe that life is meant for three things: strong relationships, overall happiness, and bad-ass experiences (surviving life is obvious and doesn’t count for this list).
We have one life (unless you believe in reincarnation and that’s a whole other rant). Therefore, I believe we just need to pack in as much bull-shit as we can within the years we have and find some damn good people to share those experiences with. That’s what life is all about.

-Hal

by Categories: My ThoughtsTags:

I’m Okay

I haven’t just blasted out my rambling thoughts for awhile, but I have something on my mind…

Recently, I had a conversation with a coworker/friend whom I’ve gotten closer to over this past year. He asked one question and there I went… spewing out five years of personal information that rarely leaves my mouth. I vented and he listened as I spoke about my sexual assault, relationship drama, and quarter-life mental crisis. He ended it with the usual “I’m sorry that happened to you” and facial expression that hints at feelings of pity. However, I realized that I had ended it with something new. I said, “It’s okay…. well not really fucking okay, but I’m happy now”.

I’m happy now…

Sure. I still have my bad moments… days… and mildly disturbing intrusive thoughts… but I can truthfully say I’m okay now. Generally I’m still moody as all shit, but my mental health is manageable, my relationships are healthier, and my confidence is back (most days). I’m actually fucking happy…

So, if you’ve made it this far I just wanted to say thank you. Those in my WordPress community (whenever you have joined along the way) have given me a safe place to vent and share pieces of my life without backlash or criticism. In all seriousness… I don’t really know if I would be here today without this.

Now I will continue on with my moody poetry and amateur photography. 🙌

Thanks again.

– Hal

by Categories: My Thoughts