What happens when you’ve found yourself stuck in some kind of limbo of satisfaction with who you are?

I’ve repeatedly found myself torn between completely loving or hating myself. There is rarely an in-between for me. There are moments when I’m so proud of the work I’ve done, where I’ve gotten, and who I’ve become. In those moments I truly and wholeheartedly love myself… But those feelings don’t tend to last very long.

It’s like my brain flips a depression switch and I’m back to hating myself. I feel like I’m not enough, I’m not worth it, I shouldn’t be here, my existence is pointless… Blah blah blah. I’m left feeling 102% unsatisfied and disappointed in where I still am and who I think i should be. Touché to mental sabotage…

I just don’t know what to do to fix this anymore. The only thing I feel like I can do at this point is let it happen, ride it out, and hope the self-love lasts longer than the hate.

Time heals… I get that. Personal effort and growth is key… Yeah sure. But will time and effort really be able to invoke complete love for myself? Or do all of us just learn to tolerate and cope with ourselves enough to survive?

Cold Hand

That moment 
you walk 
into your 
patient's room 
and she's 
visibly dead... 

And the 
who is holding 
her hand 
looks at you  
and mouths 
"help me" 
through tears... 

And you 
realize that 
she's been 
holding her 
dead grandma's 
cold hand for 
twenty minutes 
while the 
rest of 
her family 
chats in 
the corner... 

Because she 
just didn't know 
how to tell them.