I Saw You

What would you do if you saw him right now?

Is what was whispered to me.

Shopping in the next town over, buying more clothes and shit I didn’t need. I saw you there. And you saw me.

The person who tore me down and made me feel broken. You. My predator. My stalker. My nightmares. My fears. My reality. My rapist.

I felt your dirty fucking eyes watching me from the five racks over.

So… I stood taller, walked straighter, built up confidence, laughed at nothing, and looked you in the eye.

You saw me.

Happy. Beautiful. Glowing. Staring you down and hating every fucking part of you. I smiled confidently from ear to ear.

I let you know, in my fiery glare, that you didn’t break me down. You didn’t ruin me. You didn’t smolder my flame.

You saw me. I am here. You sick motherfucker…

And I am stronger than fucking ever.

Drinking Buddies

What makes me do the stupid fucking things I do?

I keep making poor decisions… and then carefully walking on eggshells praying they don’t come back to bite me in the ass. I feel like I’m doing these things to punish myself. Which is pushing myself farther into depression.

I have become somewhat of a professional fuck-up over this last year. I keep telling myself… “Dude… you won’t fucking do this shit again… you learned a valuable life lesson today bitch”. I mean… fuck… I’m 26 and still haven’t seemed to learn anything from my mistakes.


Bullshit. Here I am, once again, mentally spiraling into a rabbit hole. Drinking vodka, building a model ship, and watching corny romance movies with my damn cats. BTW… don’t watch “Drinking Buddies” (with the hottie Jake Johnson from New Girls) if you are having sexual tension friend issues in real life. It’s a real fucking bummer at the end.

So, now I need to end the year off on the right foot and fix another mistake. I’ve got umm…. holy balls… only 19 more days to make this fuck-up better.

Well fuck. Here’s to hoping I learned an actual lesson today and that I can fix what I regret! Cheers!