Those rose-colored glasses had changed to blue, So previous perceptions no longer came through. Each pink-tinted lens had been graciously replaced, Providing the clarity that revealed the mistakes.
When the storm closes in
and the lightning finally strikes…
Will you hold me a bit closer
or reach for the knife?
Just know I’ll understand
if you do decide to smite…
Because I was the thunder
that led to this night.
and I’m left
But no apology
runs it’s course…
What makes me do the stupid fucking things I do?
I keep making poor decisions… and then carefully walking on eggshells praying they don’t come back to bite me in the ass. I feel like I’m doing these things to punish myself. Which is pushing myself farther into depression.
I have become somewhat of a professional fuck-up over this last year. I keep telling myself… “Dude… you won’t fucking do this shit again… you learned a valuable life lesson today bitch”. I mean… fuck… I’m 26 and still haven’t seemed to learn anything from my mistakes.
Bullshit. Here I am, once again, mentally spiraling into a rabbit hole. Drinking vodka, building a model ship, and watching corny romance movies with my damn cats. BTW… don’t watch “Drinking Buddies” (with the hottie Jake Johnson from New Girls) if you are having sexual tension friend issues in real life. It’s a real fucking bummer at the end.
So, now I need to end the year off on the right foot and fix another mistake. I’ve got umm…. holy balls… only 19 more days to make this fuck-up better.
Well fuck. Here’s to hoping I learned an actual lesson today and that I can fix what I regret! Cheers!